People can be difficult to deal with. We all have rough edges. That, I feel, is one of the realities that I constantly come back to, whether it’s with students, employees, my managers, co-workers, friends, or family. People can be challenging.
But here’s the most important thing I’ve learned about that reality: those people are dealing with challenges of their own.
We live in a broken world, and life is hard. We usually don’t know everything that’s going on in other people’s lives. Any time I find myself in a deeper conversation with someone I don’t know well, I learn that they are facing hard things: illness, grief, financial hardship, broken relationships, abuse, or something else I hadn’t known about.
In my own tight circle over the last few years, there have been deaths due to cancer and dementia, other people dealing with cancer, serious mental illness, a dear friend who is dealing with her husband in the late stages of early-onset Parkinson’s, a colleague who lost her brother unexpectedly, then her mother after multiple health challenges, and also had a granddaughter going through treatment for leukemia, people who have lost jobs despite or because of trying to do the right things, people struggling with addiction, and several people dealing with childhood trauma.
I could go on, but the point is that life can be hard, and the people around us are dealing with life’s challenges.
So what are we, as Christians, supposed to do about that?
We’re supposed to be kind.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, Colossians 3:12
Paul goes on to discuss bearing with one another and forgiving one another, which may focus on our relationships within the body of Christ. However, these character traits of compassion, kindness, humility, and patience are not something to turn on only when dealing with other Christ-followers. They should be who we are all the time. Jesus made that point in his story of the Good Samaritan. The Samaritan man had no reason to help the injured Jew: quite the opposite within the culture. Jesus is clearly calling us to be that neighbor. As Paul says,
So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:10
Yes, we do good especially to our fellow believers, but first it says to everyone. I would also point out that some of the people around you may also be believers who just don’t happen to attend your church. While working at a public university, I was surprised by the number of colleagues whom I eventually discovered were faithful followers of Jesus Christ.
So when a colleague is crabby, instead of snapping back, listen and look for something kind to do for them. When an employee isn’t carrying their share of the workload, don’t just assume they’re lazy. Perhaps they are, but perhaps they’re dealing with an illness or other circumstances. We shouldn’t pry, but we can ask if there’s anything they need to be successful, and we can listen to the answer.
We can always offer praise in public and make sure that criticism is offered in private and constructively. We can work to limit our own grumpiness to a select circle of confidants and pour out our troubles to God and those confidants. We can work to be quick to listen. We can look for small ways to offer a bit of cheer and brightness to those around us.
Most of all, we can assume that those around us have their own private struggles and challenges, and whatever is going on is likely not about us. We can (and should) make the effort to put it aside, give it to God, and try to be kind.
This kindness is somewhat anti-cultural, especially in the United States, where we are encouraged to stand on our two feet, defend our personal rights, and value independence above all. And it’s becoming more anti-cultural at the moment, with “empathy” getting a bad name among some who call themselves Christian and the apparent labeling of attempts to help people as “woke.”
But the reality is that the Bible is pretty clear on this topic. Jesus helped people, including obvious sinners, and primarily condemned the self-righteous religious leaders of the day. In the rest of the New Testament, there are repeated calls from Paul, John, Peter, and the writer of Hebrews to do good, to help people, and to be kind and gentle. Even in the Old Testament, part of the call to God’s chosen is to treat strangers and the poor well and to be kind.
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8
Kindness is not easy. It is very human to be self-centered and self-protective. Kindness is, however, a command from God, not just to our own people, but to everyone. If we claim Christ, we must work to be kind.
Faith Musings 