Tag: love

Love in Action

Mary Elaine Califf2 Comments

One of the most important and visible characteristics of Christians is supposed to be our love, both for one another and for outsiders. Jesus made that very clear in his instructions to his followers. 

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35 ESV

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. Luke 6:27-28 ESV

Most people who say they follow Jesus acknowledge this expectation and would claim to obey these commands. Many even really try to love everybody. But I think it does us some good to stop and consider whether we’re displaying God’s love the way we are called to do.

We first need to consider what love means here. It’s not primarily a matter of emotion, but rather of deep, genuine concern for others. We may find it very difficult to summon up affection for an enemy, or even just a stranger, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot be concerned for their well-being.

One of the dangers that we face is thinking that love is a matter of words, that we are showing love if we say we love. However, that doesn’t line up with the Bible. Jesus does not say, “Tell your enemies you love them.” He tells us to pray for our enemies, and beyond that, to “do good,” not just for our friends, neighbors, family, fellow Christians, but even to those who hate us. 

John points out that we sometimes fail in our love even to our fellow believers. 

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:16-18 ESV

I know that I am sometimes guilty of loving in word or talk rather than action, and I suspect that I am far from alone.

Talking about love is not enough, so what should our love look like? The first answer has to be that it should look like Jesus. We’re supposed to be showing the love that he’s given us; therefore, we should act like him. This raises the question, how did he demonstrate love? The big answer is dying on the cross for us. We can’t do that, and few of us will be called on to die for someone else, but there are also lots of smaller answers scattered through the gospels.

  • Jesus fed people. Yes, he did it miraculously with limited resources. Whether we are granted such a miracle or not, we can help feed people with what we have. The parable of the sheep and the goats specifically calls this out.
  • Jesus healed people. Few of us have the gift of physical healing, but we can help those who are hurt and sick in a variety of ways. The story of the Good Samaritan is a story of showing love by helping someone who has been injured.
  • Jesus spent time with people and listened to them. The woman at the well and many in her town believed in Jesus because he took the time to speak with and know her. Yes, he had advantages in knowing her history and situation, but we can learn a lot about people just by taking the time to listen to them. And the Holy Spirit can give us deeper understanding if we really listen to both the person and God. Even though he was about to solve Mary’s problem, he stopped to grieve with her over Lazarus. He took time with Nicodemus as he struggled to understand spiritual rebirth. He took time to talk with Peter in the aftermath of Peter’s denials, the crucifixion, and the resurrection.
  • Jesus told people the good news of the Kingdom of Heaven. While his commands are challenging, and his treatment of the religious elite was sometimes scathing, his message to the people around him was consistently one of hope.

Along with being an example, Jesus gave some instruction on how to treat people. 

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:31-40 ESV

The passage goes on to condemn the “goats” who did not help those in need.

Most of us have far greater material resources than Jesus had during his ministry. He chose to be a wandering teacher with no money, no fixed dwelling, just enough to get by from day to day. Whether we have much or little, we have an obligation to use what we have to show love to people, not just our fellow believers but even those who hate us passionately. Whether we can offer time, a little kindness, food, clothing, money, opportunities, hope, or something else, we need to pay attention to those around us and demonstrate God’s love. In the words of Paul: 

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. Ephesians 6:9-10 ESV

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

My Mom

Mary Elaine Califf2 Comments

This would have been my mother’s 79th birthday had we not lost her earlier this year. We had really been losing her for a while, since she suffered from dementia, but we are thankful that she remained kind and patient to the end.
Kindness and patience were her hallmarks, along with a rock-solid devotion to God, which she also maintained until she could no longer hold her Bible to read it. She might not have recognized all of the people on her prayer list or been able to remember what chapters she read the day before, but she faithfully spent time praying for each name on the list and spent time reading and meditating over scripture each day.
Mom waited a lot. One of my favorite stories from before my memory of her starts is from my toddler years. I was apparently old enough to pick my own toys, but I wasn’t interested in doing so. I’m told that she just sat in the doorway to my room and calmly told me that I would not be leaving until the room was picked up, and waited until I had all my toys picked up. Calm, patient, steady discipline was characteristic of her interaction with children and animals, which is part of why both loved her.
In his partially drafted autobiography, my father wrote of telling my mother that he felt they were called to the mission field, only to be informed that she had committed her life to missions at age 12. She had simply waited for over a decade for God to pull Dad to the point where he was ready for the call.
Mom was a highly practical and capable person. She was a good cook, a good housekeeper, and a good seamstress who worked hard to help her daughters learn those skills.
She was also good at making a house a home, a skill that she had many opportunities to practice over the years. I don’t think Mom ever wanted to move as frequently as life with Dad demanded, but she never complained, just helped pack and unpack and then worked on arranging the house and its decor into a welcoming atmosphere. We recently moved, and I’m sad that I won’t have her help with the task of deciding what to hang on which wall, since she has helped me with that in our past homes.
Mom really cared about people and worked to know them well. She and I had very different tastes in clothing, both colors and style. I was very glad to grow too tall to wear her old clothes, because they never suited me at all. However, Mom was one of the few people I trusted to select clothing for me, because she took the trouble to really learn my tastes. My sister and I have very similar tastes in color, but very different in style, and Mom generally nailed both color and style for each of us, because she worked at it.
Like Dad, Mom enjoyed games and loved to laugh. Her favorite TV shows were Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. She loved to play word games, card games, and board games, and liked learning new games until the dementia made it too difficult. She tried to look at life through a lens of optimism and good humor. One friend told us that, as a newly appointed missionary, they had asked several missionary women for advice. Mom’s advice: Find something to laugh at every day.
And, of course, Mom loved music, especially singing and playing the piano. She really inspired my interest in both and taught me much, although she refused to be my formal piano teacher. Probably wise, given my personality. We did not sing together often, but it was always a joy when there was an opportunity. In her final week of life, she was bedridden, but we have a recording of her singing Amazing Grace with a couple of visitors, her voice still strong and beautiful raised in praise even in the last days.
I miss my mom, but I am so deeply grateful for the legacy of faith, the patient love, and the practical skills she left us.

My Father

Mary Elaine Califf5 Comments

I miss the dignified man in the pulpit and the great-grandfather sitting on the floor with the little ones.

I miss the collared shirts and sweater vests on some days and the absurd golfing outfits on others.

I miss the world traveler who was always eager to spend time with family.

I miss the highly competent computer user who tended to print out everything, then tear the sheet in half and shred it once he was done with it.

I miss the stories, from the silliness of the wide-mouthed frog to the amazing works of God in astonishing places.

I miss the careful record keeper who apparently blocked out all memory of everything negative from my childhood.

I miss the avid game player of card and board games who was so willing to lose computer games to his grandchildren.

I miss the devoted man who spent daily time in study and prayer and worked hard to share his faith with children and grandchildren.

I miss the man who loved his family without condition, both those who believed as he did and those who did not.

I miss the only member of my family of origin who tried to call me “Mary Elaine” instead of Mary, and did the same for others who chose to adjust their childhood names.

I miss the jokes, bad puns though they often were.

I miss his laugh, from the chuckles to the full-throated belly laughs.

I miss one of my biggest cheerleaders, certainly the biggest cheerleader for this blog.

On what would have been his 81st birthday, I miss my dad. I’m grateful that he is free of pain and rejoicing in heaven, but I miss him here on earth.

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 ESV