My husband and I have been struggling with making some major life decisions in recent months. We’re looking at what our next steps are and when we should take those steps. A lot of work-related things and some pretty serious personal things have been slowly coming together to raise these questions.

Early on in this process, I had a chance to visit a dear friend who is one of my favorite Bible teachers and a strong prayer warrior. As we were talking, I expressed my frustration at not knowing what was next and not having a clue what the timing should be: is it this year; is it two years from now; am I just totally wrong about what’s next? I explained that with every major decision in my life to that point, God had very clearly indicated the way to go (not always as soon as I wanted, but certainly in time to make the decision) and given me great peace about the direction I was headed.

At this point, my friend said something that almost shocked me. She told me not to expect the same experience: that God might be planning to work with me in a different way. She said that God might even have me make the decision with his specific direction. My initial reaction was not positive, but as I talked with others, prayed, and read, I came to realize that she’s right. God may provide certainty about this big decision, but he wants me to work through things based on his general guidance and principles and in close communion with him, but using my own reason and emotion.

I had tried to reduce that direction from God to a formula where I pray and he answers with the kind of answer I want. That business of reducing interaction with God to a formula is always tempting but never effective and sometimes downright dangerous.

We see a church that is growing dramatically with many baptisms, and we try copying their programs, their music style, sometimes even their sermons. But it seldom works, because the growth is coming from a deeper place in which God works differently in different communities.

We want to become better Christians, so we read books that give us advice on when to read our Bibles and pray, what passages to read, how much to fast, etc. Those things may be useful (the spiritual disciplines that underly them are essential), but the specifics won’t make a difference. Only reading with one’s mind and soul open to learn and act on what is learned will transform. Only prayer from the heart truly matters. Jesus said, “On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’” Matthew 7:22-23 (ESV).

This business of reducing God and our relationship with him to mere formulae is not a new phenomenon. In Acts 8, we see Simon the magician try to buy the disciples’ power, having already professed belief and been baptized. “But Peter said to him, “May your silver perish with you, because you thought you could obtain the gift of God with money! You have neither part nor lot in this matter, for your heart is not right before God. Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you” Acts 8: 20-22 (ESV). We may separate ourselves from Simon because he was after his own earthly gain. But am I so different in my desire to have God tell me what to do next? That’s partly out of a desire to serve him in the next phase of life, but it’s partly for my own gain and certainly my own peace of mind. 

Our eye must stay on the relationship with God and never how to get things from the relationship. Any time we start focusing on the fruit instead of the vine, we risk losing the heart of the matter.

Christians can sometimes be a bit too concerned about asking God for direction over every detail of our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that God cares about every detail of our lives and that we should make all of our little decisions in accordance with his will. However, there are two different ways in which we sometimes over ask for direction.

One of those is asking God to clearly show us what to do in every small decision. God actually isn’t interested in robots who just follow his programming at all times. If he were, he would never have made us. However, I’m going to save this concept for another week. There is also a danger in ask for God’s direction when we already know the answer, but we just don’t like it. This is dangerous because God will eventually let us have our way.

Don’t believe me? Let me tell you a story about a prophet. I’m going to call him Joe, because I want you to think about the story without jumping to the end. So Joe is a prophet of God, but not an Israelite. A king who is concerned about the Israelites sends people to Joe and asks him to come curse the Israelites. Then God come to Joe and asks what’s going on. Joe explains. God very clearly says “You shall not go with them. You shall not curse the people, for they are blessed” Numbers 22:12 (ESV). So Joe tells his visitors that he can’t come. So far so good. However, the story doesn’t end there. I want you to note that God didn’t say anything situational or ambiguous. He gives a blanket statement with no wiggle room.

Well, the king was not excited about Joe’s response, so he sends another group of even more important people. Now here’s where Joe gets it wrong. He starts by telling this group that he can’t do more than God tells him to, no matter what he is offered, but then tells them to stay so that Joe can ask again. Now there is no reason for Joe to ask. He knows the answer. My guess is that he is hoping that God will give him a little wiggle room so he can get some of the riches the king is offering. After all, have you ever asked God about something you really wanted that you knew wasn’t his will, but you really wanted a loophole? I have.

Now here is where things get interesting. God tells Joe he can go, but warns him not to do anything more God allows. However, God puts an angel in Joe’s path with instructions to kill him, instructions which are not actually carried out because Joe’s donkey can see the angel. By the way, for those who haven’t figured it out, Joe’s real name is Balaam. So Balaam and the donkey and the angel have a conversation, and eventually Balaam goes on his way.

Now, I personally don’t believe God was actually intending for Balaam to die. He knew the donkey would stop; he allowed the donkey to see the angel and to explain things to Balaam. Instead I think God was teaching Balaam a lesson: a lesson he still hasn’t quite learned at this point, and a lesson that we could benefit from.

Balaam is brought to a place where he can see some of the Israelites. He has Balak (the king) offer sacrifices and goes to meet God to see what he should say. Balaam then blesses the Israelites. Then Balak takes Balaam to another of a different part of the people of Israel. Balaam has Balak over another sacrifice and he goes to talk to God again. And, once again, Balaam blesses the Israelites. (Surprise, surprise). It is at the next point of the story that I believe Balaam finally gets it. Balak takes him to a third view, and the sacrifices happen again. However, here the story changes slightly: “When Balaam saw that it pleased the Lord to bless Israel, he did not go, as at other times, to look for omens, but set his face toward the wilderness. And Balaam lifted up his eyes and saw Israel camping tribe by tribe. And the Spirit of God came upon him,” Numbers 24:1-2 (ESV). And then Balaam proceeds to bless Israel the third time. I believe that this is where Balaam finally gets it. There’s no reason for him to seek direction; God made things clear from the beginning. The only reason to ask was in hope that God would change his mind or allow Balaam his own way. Now Balaam has aligned his thinking and desires with God’s.

Balaam isn’t the only person in the Bible who did this kind of thing. Even Moses, who was the greatest of Old Testament figures, argues with God quite a bit at the burning bush. If you don’t believe me, reread Exodus 3 and 4. Note that Aaron is appointed as spokesperson for Moses only because Moses insists, even after God promises “I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak” Exodus 4:12b (ESV). Ever wonder what might have been different if Moses had trusted God there? I think of things like the golden calf episode where Aaron gets things completely wrong. Moses, of course, isn’t being subtle and asking for direction when he knows better: he’s just flat arguing with God. And God lets him have his way, just as he allowed Balaam to go with Balak’s messengers.

Let’s ask God for direction, but let’s be careful that we’re not trying to get our own way. The worst might happen: God might give it to us.

I have a two-year-old grandson. Like any grandson of that age, he is cute, adorable, and occasionally frustrating. Unlike many, he is large (huge) and has advanced gross motor skills. A couple of months ago, when he was right 23 months old, my daughter-in-law took him in to a clinic. When the nurse came in to the room, she immediately chewed Sara out for allowing the child to have a bottle at his age, explaining that it is not recommended for children to use bottles so long. A few minutes later, the nurse asked exactly how old the child was. Upon learning that he was 23 months, she expressed her surprise, saying that she thought he was at least two and a half and probably three.

A lot of us don’t really like the verses in the Bible about judging others. When we read Matthew 7:1-5 about judging other and  specks and logs, we want to believe that we don’t really have logs in our eyes; it’s those other Christians who misjudge. After all, judging others is kind of fun. It makes us feel good about ourselves when we point out the inadequacies of those around us. So we tend to justify our judgment by looking at other verses that encourage us discern good and evil and to avoid Christians who are are living in open, acknowledged sin.

I think there is something to be learned from the story of my grandson and the nurse. The nurse was not entirely wrong. A three-year-old probably shouldn’t be drinking a bottle in her clinic. On the other hand, she applied her knowledge of what was good and bad for a child incorrectly because her vision was incorrect, leading her to misunderstand the situation.

After telling us not to judge each other, Jesus went on to talk about specks and logs in our eyes. I think it’s significant that vision was involved, because part of his point is that we don’t see clearly. The reality is that our human eyes never see the whole picture. God sees into the heart; we do not. We may know whether or not something is a sin. We may not know whether the person doing it is even a Christ-follower, what other sins they’re working on overcoming, or many other things about their journey.

Even worse, when we judge by appearances alone, we may think something connotes sin when it simply doesn’t. That tattoo may be from a different period in someone’s life or it may be a symbol of a step on their journey with Christ. That glass of wine or bottle of beer is actually not a sin in and of itself (Biblically speaking), and it does not prove whether there is a pattern of drunkenness that would be sinful from a Biblical perspective.

There’s an old saying about judging books by their covers. It’s a far more dangerous thing to judge a human being by appearance.

Know what is good and what is evil, but don’t assume that you know what is going on in another person’s heart and life.

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” Matthew 7:1-5 (ESV)

So we have an evangelist on campus this week. By this, I mean the type of person who stands on the quad and denigrates the people who come to watch the show. Usually, they focus on calling people out for sexual sins that the evangelist assumes all of the students are indulging in, whether or not there is any basis for the accusation. After all, dramatic sins draw bigger crowds. Who cares if they’re actually real?

The next step, after denigrating the crowd, or a segment of it (sorority girls, today) is to start calling out people because they’re not cleaning themselves up and acting right. The actual message of Christ’s death on the cross is sometimes covered, but often glossed over with the evangelist demanding conversion without really explaining why Christ came, why he died, why he rose, what it means to repent and accept him.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a proponent of a gospel that centers purely on God’s love without remembering his justice, but a method of “evangelism” that focuses purely on judgment without mentioning God’s love seems at best counterproductive. My heart breaks each year as I see college students repelled and turned away from Christianity by these people whose avowed purpose is to attract them to Christ.

If you are trying to reach non-Christians for Christ, I ask that you remember a few things:

• Righteousness and love are both parts of God’s character. You can’t leave either one out.
• People don’t listen very well when they’re offended.
• God created all of us and loves all of us equally. White culture is no better than any other culture. White people have no special relationship with Christ or the Bible. The church in Ethiopia was established long before the church in northern Europe (or North America).
• Jesus confronted self-righteous religious people, not sinners. He told sinners the truth, but in a kind and compassionate way, often also meeting their physical and/or emotional needs.
• Many people do not understand the gospel, even people raised in a “Christian” environment. Take time to explain what Christ did and why in detail.
• You don’t clean fish before you catch them. It is not our job to make people righteous. They can’t be righteous without Christ, no matter how hard they or we try.

The reality is that even when you’re talking to someone you don’t know, establishing common ground and talking from that bit of relationship is essential. Look at Christ’s and the apostle’s miracles, which often served as the opening for the truth to be shared. Look at Paul’s sermon in Athens found in Acts 17:22-34 where he established common ground in talking about the altar to an unknown god before sharing the gospel.

Most of all, please, please, please don’t come to my campus and drive students further from Christ instead of inviting them to meet him.

Have you ever just wanted to quit something? Your job, school, a relationship, a hobby you used to love, life itself? I know I’ve been there. High school was challenging for me, not academically, but in other ways. I’ve always been grateful that I knew that my parents would be devastated if I actually acted on the desire to just end everything. I learned to dislike myself less and trust God more, partly thanks to guidance from some older MK cousins one summer at our annual camp. But I still had low spots. There was this relationship in college. I’m not sure which of us was worse for the other, but it was not good. Free advice: if the friends who really care about you all think he’s an obnoxious jerk, he may or may not be an obnoxious jerk, but I guarantee that he’s not good for you. End it!

As an adult with a fully developed frontal cortex and a closer walk with God, I don’t tend to fall that far into depression any more, though there are still times when I want to go hide in a nice, quiet, dark room for about a month. And there was one time when circumstances at work led to several weeks of half the sleep I need where I was back to wanting to lie down and die. As Christians, I think we find the thought of such deep depression shocking. We should find it shocking, but we also need to recognize it as part of the human condition and try to deal with it as God would.

But how do we know how God wants it handled?

Well, it turns out that there were committed followers of God who wanted to lie down and die in the Bible. Now some of us may remember that Job reached a low spot and wished that he had never been born, but he had a pretty good excuse, right. After all, God gave permission for Satan to take everything away but his life, including his health. However, there’s another Old Testament figure who is more surprising, especially in context. In I Kings 18, Elijah confronts Ahab, has a big showdown with the prophets of Baal that involves God sending fire to burn up Elijah’s sacrifice, and sees God end an extended drought. Then at the beginning of the next chapter, Jezebel threatens to kill Elijah, leading to: “Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, ‘It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.’ And he lay down and slept under a broom tree.” I Kings 19:3-5a (ESV).

I find tremendous irony in the concept that Elijah’s fear in response to Jezebel threatening his life leads him to ask God to kill him. Sounds like depression to me.

But the really cool thing here is how God responds. “And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, ‘Arise and eat.’ And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again.” I Kings 19: 5b-6 (ESV). The angel doesn’t confront Elijah at this point, doesn’t even try to encourage him verbally, just gives him food and water and lets him sleep again. After a bit, the angel wakes him again and has him eat some more, at which point, he runs for 40 days and nights. That was apparently quite the meal.

The rest of this chapter is better known. Elijah finds a cave. God comes and asks what he’s doing there, and Elijah complains. “He said, ‘I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.’” I Kings 19:10 (ESV). God tells Elijah to go out and wait. A wind, an earthquake, and a fire come; God is in none of those, but is in the still, small voice. Then God and Elijah repeat the earlier question and answer word for word.

It strikes me as important that God still doesn’t directly answer Elijah’s complaint. Instead, he gives Elijah a bunch of instructions: next steps, if you will. However, those instructions include getting a new helper and successor in Elisha. Only at the end of God’s speech does he point out that Elijah was never truly alone, since there are another 7000 people who have remained true to the the Lord.

I love this story for two reasons. First, it’s really comforting to know that I’m not alone: that even one of the greatest prophets of God could get seriously depressed. Second, I love seeing how God handles the situation. Elijah’s true needs are met. The rebuke is gentle and only after the needs are met.

Perhaps, as Christ-followers, we should let this story guide our actions regarding depression. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating wallowing in depression. That’s a miserable place to be, and we do have a God who can meet our needs and help us out of that place of pain. However, I think our treatment of others, including fellow Christians, should be informed by God’s handling of Elijah.

Human beings like rules. You may not feel that way. Certainly there are times when rules chafe. And, of course, we are seldom successful in following all of the rules that surround us. However, we do have a tendency to like black and white more than gray. We see that in toddlers (and old children) as they push boundaries trying to learn where the real boundaries are. I see it at work in a desire to create a specific rule to prevent future problems whenever someone behaves inappropriately or unprofessionally. In many cases, we’re making specific rules to make a general principle more concrete and specific.

The tendency to create more specific rules is certainly seen in the behavior of certain groups of ancient Jews. God said, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain” Exodus 20:7a (ESV). They responded by creating rules about not saying or writing the name of God at all, in order to ensure that it couldn’t be taken in vain. God said, “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work” Exodus 20:8-10a (ESV). They responded by defining many different kinds of work and determining how much activity of each kind counted as work. They defined exactly how far one could go from a residence on the Sabbath. They also defined what could be counted as a residence and used that to get around the distance that could be traveled. We see use of rules that go beyond the overarching principle and rules that are used to circumvent the intent of the overarching principle.

So how did Jesus react to all of this? In relation to the Sabbath rules, he made Pharisees very angry by healing on the Sabbath in clear violation of their rules. He also defended his disciples for doing (rather minimal) work to obtain food on a Sabbath, and said, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath” Mark 2:27b. In general, he was very unimpressed, sometimes deeply angered, by the Pharisees, their rules, and the way they used the rules to do wrong rather than right.

But didn’t God give the ten commandments? Absolutely, those and more. But, you see, even though he gave us laws to help us understand right from wrong, God has always cared about relationship. We should remember that before the laws came God’s relationship with Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and Joseph, and Moses. The greatest commandment is “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” Matthew 22:37 (ESV). “And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” Matthew 22:39 (ESV). These are about relationship. Actions are intended to come out of the relationship.

Rules can be useful things, but what rules have we created that become painful religiosity beyond anything God intended? And what rules have we created that we use to circumvent the intent of God’s commands? I would encourage myself and all of you to commit each day to our relationship with Christ and to the two greatest commandments and be willing to live in a world that may feel a little more gray, but refuses to lose sight of the Spirit behind the Law.

Have you ever felt like the stranger in a group? I know I have. Part of that is because we moved when I was growing up. A lot (only 9 schools in 8 cities/towns pre-college, but on average more than one move per year in my youth). And as an adult, I’ve spent a lot of time among people who are shocked to think that someone with a Ph.D. could actually believe in the literal truth of the Bible. I’ve also been in a number classrooms, meetings, etc. where I was the only female in the room. However, there are two times in my life when that feeling of being the stranger has been especially strong.

The first was an extended period: the two years we lived in a small town where my father was pastoring the First Baptist Church. We weren’t from around there, and I was encouraged to recognize every flaw that I have as well as to believe that some of my best attributes (such as my intelligence) were also flaws. I learned about hypocrisy, since the deacons’ kids treated me very differently under their parents’ eyes than they did at school. I had never been so grateful to move again in my short life as when we left that place, though I did get a couple of chances to recognize the blessings of my life when we visited later and I saw the limited opportunities of those I left behind compared to what I’d been given. I also got to see how much people’s perception of us depends on external things. The first time we went back, I was officially a “Missionary Kid,” but we hadn’t been out of the US yet. All of a sudden I was a visiting dignitary instead of the outcast kid to abuse as much as possible, even when the adults weren’t around.

The second time I felt that strong “I don’t belong here” reaction was just a split second. I was walking with a couple of friends in Blok M, which is (or at least was) a shopping area in Jakarta. These happened to be female friends who were both several inches shorter than I. I looked around and saw this sea of the tops of heads (I’m not taller than all Indonesians by any means, but I am taller than a lot of them). I had this sudden sense of sticking of the top of the crowd that was very unnerving. Looking back, I find it very odd that my “moment of strangeness” in Indonesia was about my height (which is only 5’8″) instead of about the pale skin and blonde hair that was constantly noticed and remarked on.

I think most people have had some experience of being the stranger. I also think that almost all people have been part of the group that had a stranger walk in. Being a stranger can be difficult and unnerving, but it doesn’t have to be painful. However, the pain involved, while it can be ameliorated by the stranger’s attitude, is largely dictated by the behavior of the group. In that small town, I was going to be a stranger because I wasn’t “from around here.” But I’ve been new and not from around here many other times in my life that don’t stick out in my memory because people tried to welcome me and let me into their group instead of making sure I knew that I didn’t belong.

So what does God have to say about this? How should we respond to the strangers who come into our midst? How should we treat those who dress differently, act differently, or just don’t look like us? We have clues in the behavior and words of Christ as he spoke with the Samaritan woman and told the story we call “The Good Samaritan.” We have clues in Acts as Peter is encouraged to visit Cornelius and Philip to witness to the Ethiopian eunuch. But we really don’t need to look for clues: God was actually very explicit all the way back in the law: “You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself” Leviticus 19:34a (ESV). What would our churches look like if we obeyed that verse?

I love to sing. I can’t remember not singing. People who know me well will agree that I love to sing simply because they are subjected to my singing any time there is music playing to sing to, as well as any time I’m leaving a space where I was alone and could get away with singing. Unfortunately, given my passion, I have  a voice that is pretty, but not stellar, and an ear that is good, but not great. Thus, my opportunities for singing in public have been less frequent than I might have liked, but they have existed.

Those occasional opportunities to sing into a microphone include some of the greatest highs I’ve ever experienced. There’s nothing else quite like standing on a church platform singing a song I’ve selected and watching that song impact members of the congregation. I find standing on a church platform helping to lead worship by singing equally exhilarating when I really am at that point where I’m just worshipping though still aware that the congregation is worshipping with those of us on stage.

However, I haven’t experienced those highs as consistently as one might think, given my love for song. That has a lot to do with the conversation God and I used to have to have  every time I was about to walk onto that church platform. It goes something like this:

Me: Lord, I’m so excited to be headed on stage to sing for you. Please be with me and help me do a good job.

God: If this is singing for me, why are your hands shaking? (Aside: my hands shake when I’m nervous, especially about performing music. This is not too bad for singing, but it led to some very painful piano recitals.)

Me: Because I love being on stage, but I’m terrified I’ll hit a wrong note or something.

God: And that’s about who?

Me: Me. But do I want this to be about you. Please, help me make it about you.

The good news is that God does honor such requests when made sincerely, which these were, and in more recent years, we didn’t have to have that conversation every time I went on stage. The bad news is that a lesson learned in one area is not always learned in every area. Recently the conversation went more like this:

Me: Nobody’s reading my stuff.

God: (silence with a hint of raised eyebrow)

Me: Okay. Not many people are reading my stuff.

God: Whose idea was this blog?

Me: Yours, definitely yours.

God: And where do the ideas come from?

Me: You?

God: So?

Me: Your stuff that they’re not reading?

God: And if one person reads a post and is touched by it, was it worth your time to write?

Me: (very small) yes

God: (silence)

Me: Not my blog; not my concern how many people read it.

God: Exactly.

I’m sorry to say that we have had that conversation more than once, but I am learning.

Do you have something you need to make sure is all about him and not about you? We are told: “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” Colossians 3:17 (ESV).  To do something in the name of the Lord means much more than to call his name. It means to do it according to his character, the way he would do it. It really means that every single thing in our lives should be about God, not about us. I’m not there yet, but I’m committed to keep moving in the right direction. Join me?