One of the great blessings of being a child of missionaries in my denomination is the extended family that one automatically joins when arriving on the mission field. This is especially true for those of us who ended up in a particularly large group of missionaries, as my family did. There were suddenly over a hundred people who were to be called “aunt” or “uncle” plus dozens of courtesy cousins of varying ages. It was a bit overwhelming when I was 10 years old and first walked into that situation, but ultimately many of these people became closer than most of my relatives by blood. 

As we age, a natural consequence of having a large family is that we begin to lose family members. My first family funeral was that of a great-great-grandmother when I was eight (my family might have married and had children quite young for several generations). Since then I’ve attended several for both my birth family and my missionary family.

Several weeks ago, I received word of another loss–another missionary uncle. Uncle Von loomed large in my life both literally and figuratively. So many images came immediately to mind from the serious to the hilarious, from daily life and family vacations and more recent reunions. As always when I think of Uncle Von, the first incident that came to my thoughts was the time my sister fell off the back of his Vespa because she refused to hold on to me.  She was fine. Why did we have 5 people on one Vespa scooter? Well, we were in Indonesia, and we wanted to get somewhere. I also think that we children may have actually wanted to ride on the scooter, though it’s hard to believe that now.

The biggest thing that came to mind was concern for Uncle Von’s family. While I respected him a great deal, he and I were never very close, mostly because of differing interests. On the other hand, after my parents, his wife was probably the strongest spiritual influence on my adolescence. Her loss, and that of his children, was where my heart went immediately.

I wanted to be there, but, of course, I could not. I’m in Illinois. They are in Oklahoma. We live in the time of COVID-19. Messages can be sent. Memorials can be made. Hugs are not an option.

I am grateful that, despite that limitation, I was able to at least watch the memorial service, and that service was a blessing in and of itself. It was a beautiful reminder of Uncle Von’s walk with God through his life and of the reality that we do “not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13b ESV). The one who is gone is released from suffering and is with Christ.

Yet we do grieve. Uncle Von is not here. We on earth have lost him for now.

Watching the memorial service brought to mind a song that I have come to love. I believe it beautifully captures the reality of Christian death, the intermingling of grief for now and hope for the future. In part, it says,

It isn’t easy to say goodbye
But I know it’s only for a little while
Run up ahead and I will catch up
‘Cause I’m gonna see you when tomorrow comes
On the other side

“The Other Side” by Colton Dixon

Uncle Von is well and safe and out of pain with Jesus. Someday we will be, too. In the meantime, we must both grieve our loss and rest assured by the God of hope and love.

Photo by Liane Metzler on Unsplash

At one point, I had a student contact me the day before an exam to say that a close friend of his had passed away earlier in the week and that he would take the exam the next morning if he had to but he would really appreciate being allowed to take it a few days later.

There is no policy about the death of friends at my university. Family deaths, yes. Serious illness, yes. Religious observations, yes. This situation, no.

I had to decide how to handle the situation. I know faculty who would have made the student take the test at the planned time. I hope I would never have been one of them, but at this point in my life, there was really no question. You see, I know what it is to be the mother of a college student who has lost a close friend. I instantly saw the situation not only from the perspective of the policy-following professor concerned about fairness, but also from the perspective of a mother who knows the trauma of such a loss and how it can impact a student’s ability to function.

As humans and as Christ-followers, it is valuable for us to see things from the perspectives of others. When we understand other people’s values and experiences, we can minister to their needs more effectively, better recognizing what is helpful, and what is insulting, and what is enabling patterns of poor choices. We can share the gospel with them in more understandable ways. 

Jesus demonstrates this in his interactions with people, diving to the heart of the problem of the rich young ruler’s love of his wealth (Mark 10:17-31), weeping with Mary over the death of Lazarus (John 11:28-37). Even his first miracle of turning water to wine is evidence that he takes others’ perspectives into mind, since he performs the miracle even after telling his mother that it was not his time (John 2:1-10).

Paul demonstrates the adjustment of the gospel presentation in his letters, which speak to the different needs of the churches who receive them. We also see that he speaks very differently to the Athenians at the Areopagus (Acts 17:16-34) than he does to King Agrippa, who has an understanding of and belief in Scripture (Acts 26).

We also need to seek to understand the perspectives of those around us, to ask why they think and act as they do, to shape our presentation of truth and aid to reach people where they are.

Even more than recognizing and understanding the perspectives of the people around us, however, we need to seek to recognize, understand, and adopt God’s perspective on pretty much everything.

We are prone to see the world from a very self-centered place: how will this situation change my life? How does this change increase or decrease my taxes? I’m uncomfortable talking to strangers, so why should I do that?

God makes it very clear that our perspectives are not his:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV

As Christians, we are called to do better, to allow God to adjust our thinking, to leave behind our self-centered perspectives. Part of the new life is supposed to include new ways of thinking.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2 ESV

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:13-16 ESV

How do we do that? Much as we do it with other humans. We have to spend time with them. We must also spend time with God. We must learn about other people’s values in order to understand their actions. We must learn about God’s values. We must read and know the stories that God has given us that tell of his actions in regard to the world and to his people, both Israelites and Christians.

We must, in fact, do exactly what we are repeatedly called to do: study and meditate on the Bible, which is our record of God’s values, instructions, and actions. Then we must work to consistently adopt those values as our own and follow those instructions. 

As our own values and actions become reflections of his, we can more effectively communicate them with others. As we adjust our personal perspective to match God’s, we will find it easier and easier to also recognize and respond appropriately to the perspectives of other humans, just as God does.