My husband and I have been struggling with making some major life decisions in recent months. We’re looking at what our next steps are and when we should take those steps. A lot of work-related things and some pretty serious personal things have been slowly coming together to raise these questions.

Early on in this process, I had a chance to visit a dear friend who is one of my favorite Bible teachers and a strong prayer warrior. As we were talking, I expressed my frustration at not knowing what was next and not having a clue what the timing should be: is it this year; is it two years from now; am I just totally wrong about what’s next? I explained that with every major decision in my life to that point, God had very clearly indicated the way to go (not always as soon as I wanted, but certainly in time to make the decision) and given me great peace about the direction I was headed.

At this point, my friend said something that almost shocked me. She told me not to expect the same experience: that God might be planning to work with me in a different way. She said that God might even have me make the decision with his specific direction. My initial reaction was not positive, but as I talked with others, prayed, and read, I came to realize that she’s right. God may provide certainty about this big decision, but he wants me to work through things based on his general guidance and principles and in close communion with him, but using my own reason and emotion.

I had tried to reduce that direction from God to a formula where I pray and he answers with the kind of answer I want. That business of reducing interaction with God to a formula is always tempting but never effective and sometimes downright dangerous.

We see a church that is growing dramatically with many baptisms, and we try copying their programs, their music style, sometimes even their sermons. But it seldom works, because the growth is coming from a deeper place in which God works differently in different communities.

We want to become better Christians, so we read books that give us advice on when to read our Bibles and pray, what passages to read, how much to fast, etc. Those things may be useful (the spiritual disciplines that underly them are essential), but the specifics won’t make a difference. Only reading with one’s mind and soul open to learn and act on what is learned will transform. Only prayer from the heart truly matters. Jesus said, “On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’” Matthew 7:22-23 (ESV).

This business of reducing God and our relationship with him to mere formulae is not a new phenomenon. In Acts 8, we see Simon the magician try to buy the disciples’ power, having already professed belief and been baptized. “But Peter said to him, “May your silver perish with you, because you thought you could obtain the gift of God with money! You have neither part nor lot in this matter, for your heart is not right before God. Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you” Acts 8: 20-22 (ESV). We may separate ourselves from Simon because he was after his own earthly gain. But am I so different in my desire to have God tell me what to do next? That’s partly out of a desire to serve him in the next phase of life, but it’s partly for my own gain and certainly my own peace of mind. 

Our eye must stay on the relationship with God and never how to get things from the relationship. Any time we start focusing on the fruit instead of the vine, we risk losing the heart of the matter.