Have you ever felt like the stranger in a group? I know I have. Part of that is because we moved when I was growing up. A lot (only 9 schools in 8 cities/towns pre-college, but on average more than one move per year in my youth). And as an adult, I’ve spent a lot of time among people who are shocked to think that someone with a Ph.D. could actually believe in the literal truth of the Bible. I’ve also been in a number classrooms, meetings, etc. where I was the only female in the room. However, there are two times in my life when that feeling of being the stranger has been especially strong.

The first was an extended period: the two years we lived in a small town where my father was pastoring the First Baptist Church. We weren’t from around there, and I was encouraged to recognize every flaw that I have as well as to believe that some of my best attributes (such as my intelligence) were also flaws. I learned about hypocrisy, since the deacons’ kids treated me very differently under their parents’ eyes than they did at school. I had never been so grateful to move again in my short life as when we left that place, though I did get a couple of chances to recognize the blessings of my life when we visited later and I saw the limited opportunities of those I left behind compared to what I’d been given. I also got to see how much people’s perception of us depends on external things. The first time we went back, I was officially a “Missionary Kid,” but we hadn’t been out of the US yet. All of a sudden I was a visiting dignitary instead of the outcast kid to abuse as much as possible, even when the adults weren’t around.

The second time I felt that strong “I don’t belong here” reaction was just a split second. I was walking with a couple of friends in Blok M, which is (or at least was) a shopping area in Jakarta. These happened to be female friends who were both several inches shorter than I. I looked around and saw this sea of the tops of heads (I’m not taller than all Indonesians by any means, but I am taller than a lot of them). I had this sudden sense of sticking of the top of the crowd that was very unnerving. Looking back, I find it very odd that my “moment of strangeness” in Indonesia was about my height (which is only 5’8″) instead of about the pale skin and blonde hair that was constantly noticed and remarked on.

I think most people have had some experience of being the stranger. I also think that almost all people have been part of the group that had a stranger walk in. Being a stranger can be difficult and unnerving, but it doesn’t have to be painful. However, the pain involved, while it can be ameliorated by the stranger’s attitude, is largely dictated by the behavior of the group. In that small town, I was going to be a stranger because I wasn’t “from around here.” But I’ve been new and not from around here many other times in my life that don’t stick out in my memory because people tried to welcome me and let me into their group instead of making sure I knew that I didn’t belong.

So what does God have to say about this? How should we respond to the strangers who come into our midst? How should we treat those who dress differently, act differently, or just don’t look like us? We have clues in the behavior and words of Christ as he spoke with the Samaritan woman and told the story we call “The Good Samaritan.” We have clues in Acts as Peter is encouraged to visit Cornelius and Philip to witness to the Ethiopian eunuch. But we really don’t need to look for clues: God was actually very explicit all the way back in the law: “You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself” Leviticus 19:34a (ESV). What would our churches look like if we obeyed that verse?